The Ten Stages Of Dealing With Glenn's (Maybe) Death
You can't move for about five minutes. You don't even know if you are blinking or breathing. You must be dreaming. You pinch yourself but all you feel is numb...and a faint pinching sensation because you didn't pinch yourself very hard at all.
Did you really just watch Glenn die? Motherhumping GLENN?! No. That. Did. Not. Happen. Did it?
You throw yourself against the television and wail like a banshee. Okay. Maybe that did happen, but it's just so completely and ridiculously sad. Maggie has just lost so much. Oh god! How is Maggie going to take this? (Probably better than you. You keep pinching yourself, and you're getting tears all over your television screen.)
You tweet AMC elaborate death threats from your own Twitter account until it gets suspended. You ask your friends if you can borrow their accounts. At first, they refuse, but then they see how upset you are and start sending their own death threats...and they don't even watch the show.
5. Deep, Deep Sadness Mixed With Anger
Damn it! Glenn was the heart of the show...and they just killed. him. Just like that. And OF COURSE it was all because Nicholas the tool was being a massive tool. The horde should have eaten him!
6. Faint Hope
Wait a just a darned tootin' minute. Maybe those were Nicholas' innards that the horde was chomping on. It's possible isn't it? Isn't it?!
7. Sherlock Mode
You add up the evidence. 1. Nicholas was a tool. A massive one, and he was there too. Why would AMC kill off a beloved character when it could kill a tool? This isn't Game of Thrones. 2. Steven Yeun didn't go on The Talking Dead. All the dead characters go on The Talking Dead. If he's dead, why didn't he go on? Elementary, fools! He's Alive!
8. Group Therapy
Your friends don't believe you at first. They think you should read the comic books. You tell them that this isn't Game of Thrones; you can't know who dies just by reading ahead. To prove your theory, you make your friends dress up like zombies so you can reenact the dumpster scene over and over, showing them how Nicholas' body was on top of Glenn's the whole time, and Glenn was reacting with horror to the zombies eating the corpse right on top of him. It makes sense...doesn't it?
9. Growing Horror
You start to realize that even if it was Nicholas who was eaten, Glenn was SWARMED, and his face and head were completely exposed. How could he possibly get out of THAT? Maybe your friends are right. Maybe you are fooling yourself. Maybe you are a jerk for making them hang out in a filthy alley that might have (probably) given them tetanus.
10. Rock Bottom
After a week of being consumed with a nasty case of The Feels (and some mild tetanus), you hold it together knowing that on Sunday night, you will know one way or the other. Only you don't. It's a Morgan episode. Great. Sure...it's still compelling and thought-provoking, but what in the name of Sam Raimi happened to Glenn?! ... Wait a second! Why isn't Steven Yeun's name in the credits?! His name is always in the credits. Oh....
We love you Glenn and miss you already
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